clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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