I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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