We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
