we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
