Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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