I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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