some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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