it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
