What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
