she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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