why didn't you poke me back
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
