Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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