I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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