Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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