watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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