Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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