Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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