I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
