that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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