found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
