Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think i peed on brittanys purse
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
