What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
