that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
