shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
