had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
