I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
