His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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