I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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