How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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