I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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