The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
