He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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