you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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