Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
