So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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