Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
