so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
