Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
