you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
