I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
