I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
