really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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