Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
