I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
