Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
