I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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