Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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