Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
