i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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