He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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