Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you traded sex for a burrito?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
