tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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