he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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