I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
