Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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