We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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