Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Are we still banned from the library?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
