Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
