my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize