i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
