remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
