guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
