mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize