She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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