Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
