Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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