I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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