Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
