It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
